Dear Blog,
The moment is vast.
I love that phrase. It was in a book I read once, The Seer and the Sword, and bequeathes, it seems, a slowness and a depth to every second. When I remember it, that is. Which is usually in times, like now, when I feel that the moment is indeed vast. My new roommate just moved in this morning and the moment is vast. I’m going to call her Bretta, in the hopes that naming her here will make her an actual character in the story of my life. She’s darting out to return for good tomorrow so I am alone in the stillness of the day with the options of netflix, crunchyroll, Shakespeare, or really whatever I want. The moment is vast and the possibilities are endless.
July has been so unexpected, and this last week especially so higgledy-piggledy and topsy-turvy, that I almost don’t know what to do with a few seconds of actual rest and not mere respite. You know, honest-to-goodness enjoyment and not just running from your problems or slowing yourself down in preperation for bed. I cleaned out my front closet yesterday and derived actual enjoyment from it. That good, squeaky feeling of satisfaction and “Oh my, do I really have that many pairs of shoes?” I reorganized where I kept my mugs and teas this morning and derived actual enjoyment from it. Really, the way I had things before was illogical and I don’t know what I was thinking when I set it up. I’m writing this while seeing if the internet will be kind to me and load my video with sound, and all the while I am feeling quite content and not at all stressed or impatient. This, I understand, is a pause, and pauses are to be cherished, not clung to. They are after all only the in-betweens.This post is itself a kind of in-between. I have three, yes three, drafts somewhere on my computer for you. My reviews for the book about Kabbalism, for a collection of Shaw’s plays, and a general write up of Booxter – the database I use for recording my library. These posts have all required too much clear thought to be edited in the midst of July but should find nicer waters in August. I’m reading Shakespeare’s histories now, and hope to start on something rather different – essays maybe, or a biography – in a week or two.
And shopping. I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow and should be cooking up a storm for the next week while I lay in stores.
But for now I am sitting in my air conditioned house drinking milk tea and finding that, for this second – this one small space in the infinity of time – the moment is vast.